One Decision

Dear Lorenzo,

I hate daytime television. 

I hate the fake, manufactured bullshit that is Maury and the Jerry Springer Show. 

I HATE all things celebrity like the Daily Mail show (which I've seen once at my hairdresser's; NEVER AGAIN) and TMZ.

And as well you know I hate all of the judge shows, like Judge Judy and Paternity Court.

But I recently discovered a daytime talk show that I actually enjoyed. It's called The Mel Robbins show and it's hosted by a life coach whose expressed goal is to help her viewers make their lives better. On Friday she said something that really spoke to me. According to Mel, we are all "one decision away from changing our lives".

One decision. Just one decision away from here and wherever the hell I'd rather be.

And so with that in mind, with those words reverberating through my brain all weekend long, I think I've figured out exactly what my one decision should be.

It's time to give up drugs and alcohol for a while.

When you died, I used food to disconnect from my grief but since the beginning of the year, when weed became legal in Illinois, I've been using it to disconnect from my life. And who could possibly argue with me? It's not like I was smoking crack or doing anything that would interfere with my ability to parent or be a productive member of society. I work 40 hours a week; I recycle; I vote. I give what I can to charities I believe in. I help my mom with both her online grocery shopping and her online banking. I help Amira with her schoolwork and her hobbies, and I spend hours a day walking and playing with my dog. I'm a good person, right? And so I figured since I can't have sex (at least not with something that doesn't require batteries) and since I can't socialize with my friends or even go home to visit my mom until this pandemic is over...wine and weed were the only indulgences I had left, but...

I'm only one decision away from changing my life.

I don't want to disconnect anymore; it's time to face reality head on.

The good, the bad, and the paralyzingly depressing.

It's okay to acknowledge that life sucks right now. It's okay to acknowledge the loneliness, the horniness, and the sorrow born from a life that hasn't gone according to plan.

I'm only one decision away from changing my life.

Let's see where this decision takes me.

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