Goodbye (For Real This Time)

Dear Mum,

I was so busy mourning you that I didn't have time to fully acknowledge the loss of my relationship with Cap. 

It's finally hitting me now.

I can accept the fact that he doesn't want me anymore and I have with as much grace as I can.

I asked him to fall back in August 2024 and he has done so.

But I still hear from him almost daily.

Mostly through text messages on a group chat he created with me and Fareeda. 

This is how he keeps in touch.

It's how he holds on.

I usually don't reply to his political rantings and unfunny reels but he knows that I read them.

And we Marco Polo about once a week. 

All neutral topics.

The kids, our jobs, how much we loathe Trump. 

No mention of us.

Who we were.

What we lost.

Who we have to pretend to be now in order to remain in each other's lives.

He doesn't want to have those conversations.

He doesn't do difficult which means he obviously can't be in a relationship.

At least not with me.

So though I'm mourning this loss, I also know that us not working out is a blessing.

I don't want what isn't right for me.

Not ever again.

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