DIJA'S SECOND ACT

Dear Lorenzo, "I'm skipping my workout tomorrow."  My proclamation fell upon your daughter's back as she sat inside of her closet, doing something I cared too little to investigate. "It's about time" was your daughter's reply, not bothering to stop whatever the hell she was doing to look up at me. "Since tomorrow's going to be such a long day, with me working 8-5 and taking a two-hour break to take you to the doctor's, and oh God, the car ride..." I trailed off, already feeling queasy at the thought of another nausea-inducing sojourn.   "Well good for you" Amira answered (patronizingly, I might add). And with that, I turned on my heel, and began the walk back to my bedroom, when I stopped mid-stride to stare in mock anguish at my elliptical machine. "Even though I try, I can't let go..." I sang, belting out the only Mariah Carey song I really love, much to Amira's great horror. "Oh my God, BYE!"...

Dear Lorenzo, It's 8:23 p.m. and I'm tired.  I'm so very, very tired. Tonight, in what started out as a joke, Mira brought up the notion of my dating again. I laughed her off course. Forget about the fact that we're in the middle of a pandemic, even if I had the means to meet someone right now, I simply don't have the time to date. Between working full time, single parenthood and actually taking a stab at having a writing career, relationships are the last thing on my mind these days. Besides, I've fallen for that one before, remember?  Didn't quite work out so well for me. I wasn't all that happy in our relationship. I got the short end of the stick. The woman always does. We do all the hard, unpaid work that is child rearing and housekeeping and taking care of our man, and in the end, there's no one there going to bat for us.  Fuck that, I'll ride this whole single thing out.

Dear Lorenzo, Today is October 19, 2020 and... It's a new day. Finally. Groundhog's Day has come to an end at long last. The spell has finally broken and I'm ready to face what comes next. For me, the cliches regarding grief turned out to be true. I wasn't irrevocably broken after all. What I needed was time to heal. You've been gone for 4 years, 3 months, 13 days and an infinite amount of heartache and... I'm finally ready to start living again. Over the weekend I signed up for an online writing class. Amira and I went for frozen yogurt in Andersonville then took our time combing through each and every inch of the Women and Family bookstore. I did my Spanish lessons on Duolingo (Day 137!), I monitored my Fitbit challenges to make sure I didn't fall too far behind. I watched football, worked out, and meal prepped for the upcoming week.  And I changed my facebook relationship status to single. 4 years, 3 months, 13 days later... I'm single again. And that...