DIJA'S SECOND ACT

Dear Lorenzo, After you died it took a medical intervention to get my ass off the couch. Literally. I knew I needed help, of course. I'm not a moron. I knew that lying on the futon, watching ESPN ALL DAY LONG wasn't healthy. I knew that spending money I didn't have for food I wouldn't have to prepare in order to make sure my daughter was fed with limited participation from her mother wasn't healthy. But no matter what I knew... I couldn't get off the couch.  And so eventually I broke down.  Cracked.  I called my primary care physician and told him about the bottomless pit of despair that I just couldn't will myself out of.  And he had me come in to meet with him and the staff psychologist immediately. And one word helped me begin to save my life. Antidepressants. They lifted the fog that had permeated every ounce of my mind and body and helped me begin to see things more clearly. You are gone but I am still here. I have a daughter for whom I HAVE to live. An...

Dear Lorenzo, Being a single mom is hard. Brutally, brutally hard. Being a single mom to a tween girl... I'm one long suffering sigh away from commiting a homicide. I never would have imagined that I'd be here.  But as much as I complain... I really love being a mom. If I've never said this before, let me say it now. Thank you. Thank you for convincing me that I could do this.  Thank you for convincing me that children are a gift from God. Thank you for believing in my capabilities LONG before I had ever learned to believe in myself. Oh and...thanks for teaching me to believe in myself. You prepared me to be exactly where and who I am right now. A working single parent. And a good one at that. Thank you my love. Thank you.

Dear Lorenzo, It's 11:33 p.m. and I just finished my dinner (a slice of cinnamon toast with two teaspoons of peanut butter). I'm exhausted. These days, I am ALWAYS exhausted. My weekdays begin at 6:00 a.m.  I wake up and head straight to the kitchen to clean up the mess that Amira invariably leaves behind each and every time that she offers to clean up. I wipe off counters, throw away old food and wash a sink full of dishes before getting on the elliptical no later than 7:15 a.m. I workout and login to my computer at 8:00 a.m. to begin my 8 hour workday with Typenex. At 8:30 a.m. my alarm goes off, reminding me to wake Amira for school. At 11:30 a.m. I take the dog for a 30 minute walk, rush home, hop in the shower, make lunch and am back to work on the computer by 12:30 p.m. I work for exactly 3 1/2 more hours before logging off at 4:00 on the dot. I take the dog for her second walk, come home, figure out dinner for Amira and Butters, play with the dog for a half hour, help Am...