Day 2

Dear Lorenzo,

It's Mother's Day, 2020 and I'm alone in my room watching repeats of Happy Endings on Hulu and talking to you. Amira's in her room, "reading" (don't get excited, it's a Tik Tok series, not an actual book) and Butters is upstairs, eating as much of Aisha's steak dinner as she can get her paws on.

Today was a good day. I woke up early, straightened up the house, worked out, washed and deep conditioned my hair, and did some laundry, before settling in with Netflix for the night. You may be wondering how I managed to get all of this done in one day but since Amira was up all night, partying with Aisha until 5:00 IN THE MORNING, she spent the majority of this Mother's Day snoring away in her bed, giving me the greatest gift of all, an entire day to myself. 

You know, as tough as the stay at home order has been, I'm starting to get accustomed to our new normal.

And I'm trying to make the best of it.

First and foremost I'm writing again. This may not seem like a big deal to you but it's a very big deal to me. (Sometimes I wonder who I could have been if I hadn't been so quick to give up on myself so very long ago. But I'm learning how to not dwell on the past anymore so fuck that shit, let's move on.) I'm writing again, damn near every day and even if it's nothing more exciting than letters to my dead boyfriend, I'm writing and that's all that counts. I'm also working full-time from home, spending time each day helping Amira with her eLearning, I'm taking Spanish lessons on Duolingo, reading personal development books like Start Late, Finish Rich, and The Slight Edge, and getting together with your family every Friday night on Google Duo. 

I'm trying, Lorenzo, trying to recreate a better version of myself out of the pieces that were left behind in the wake of your death. 

I'm starting to look forward to my future again.

It's a start.